Let me see... I personally think the new years are not good for me. Especially the Chinese New Year. Most will say the turn of the new year so your luck and fortune turned as well. Well, I don't think that applies to me (even though this rat year is suppose to be my year). I say that because for this year and last year, bad or unfortunate things have been happening to me.

Last year's new year wasn't the best new year celebration for me. Even before the new year 15 days ended, I got dumped (but thats an old story that is not worth going more into) then slightly after that (about a month or two after, I think) I got into an accident involving me and a roundabout.  At least that accident helped me in some ways. It got me out of the depression that I was slowly drowning into and that I should always 'U-turn' whenever I go into an unfamiliar road.

Well, this year, barely after the new year, I got into another accident. To be more precise, it happened yeaterday (25\02\2008) while I was going to work at 11.30am. This time is entirely not my fault. The guy was in a rush that he didn't notice my on-coming car and made a 'U-turn', only to crashed into my car. Damn I was scared as hell. I felt myself shaking. But at least after being in the previous accident, I learned to calm myself down to stay sane without freaking out. First thing first, I called my manager to tell her that I wasn't coming in and my mom whom I just dropped off around 10 minutes ago at the bank before heading to work. Immediately my mom asked what's wrong when she answered the call and she in turned called my dad at work about it. It was a long day yesterday. And a bloody hot day as well. And what a great time for the other car air-con to stop functioning. Sigh...

But all is well now. It was a friendly accident where no one was screaming whose fault was it and who should be paying for the damage. And the police report was quite fast. Faster then I expected actually. Maybe it all thanks to the 'vultures' that somehow manage to get the drift that an accident just happened. Well, they got the toll trucks to toll the cars to the police station and to the garage after. Efficient...

But now I'm handicapped yet again for the time being. But luckily I have friends and colleagues that stay oh so near to my place.
So now I have to hitched a ride to work and back from them. Luckily I'm not working at EY now, then I wouldn't know how am I going to work then. But then again, if I was still working there, I wouldn't be going to work at 11.30am and wouldn't be in that accident since I wouldn't be using that way to work.

Oh and I'm thankful that I receive no injuries whatsoever especially since the loud bang that could be heard all the way up at the first floor of the building nearby and both of us got out without even a dislocated shoulder. Maybe somebody up there likes me after all.

PS: Have no pictures to post since I was so distracted that I forgot that I own a camera phone. Trying to get the pictures from the other guy.

Well well well... let me see...

The start of 2007 wasn't great for me to say the least. I was a wreck. My life was crumbling as I watched through tearful eyes. I though I could never get up again. I've lost the one thing I treasured the most that I would defend with my life. I was left broken hearted and bleeding through the void that was once my heart. I was near suicidal. But luckily my fear of pain held me back from going through with that idea. I learnt that I need to be more truthful about my emotions and feelings. If I don't like it, might as well say it. Why bother keeping it bottled up and hope that the person will eventually understand because they NEVER know and will understand. Besides that when someone is at the edge of desperation, they can do anything. It was the lowest of the lowest point of my life. Never have I thought I could throw my pride and ego away to beg someone back. I was that pathetic. And yet, I was just ignored with no second thought. I promised myself I will never do that again. NO guy/men is worth that much.

From there though I gained quite a lot of things that I've missed out. I gained my sister back. Which is to say she had some thing against the guy I was dating and since the said guy broke my heart and I had no one else to turn to for my oh-so-late-night-calls, I naturally called her. We kinda bonded back again (not saying that she can't be a pain sometimes but same goes for me, so we're square on that). Then I met new friends and old friends as well. People that was there for me when I was at my lowest. I got friends to hang out with. Go karaoke with. Got me into bowling (to which I'm kinda addicted to now). And best of all, to go on trips with. Never in my life have I traveled so much as I did last year (and I hope it's the same this year too. Hopefully ending with a big trip to NZ.)

Oh yes, I lost my phone along with my contacts and all, which I'm counting as a blessing in disguise. By losing my phone, I was able to get a new phone which it great fun especially with the 3.2MP camera (Who needs a digital camera when the phone is just as handy for a quick photo shot? =D). Contacts lost was a shame but all is well that nature took it in his hands to 'help me' though in depressing kinda of way.  

Not forgetting my trips to Kuantan/Cherating, Langkawi, Ipoh/Bukit Merah, Genting (3 times - Jazz Festival, MLTR Concert and The Magic Festival), Singpore (First time, I went in a car rather then the public transport) and Melaka/PD... I think that's about all... May have missed out  I'm not sure.

You know the song from High School Musical,  'Start Of Something New', Yup, that's was my life in year 2007. It ended at the beginning and started again after that.

What do I want? I've been asking myself this for the past few months now and I still have no answers to that. For a momentary blurness here, I'm talking about what do I want in a relationship. A part of my misses my relationship that I used to have.

Don't get me wrong here. i don't miss my ex (and really I don't. I mean it). i just miss that kind of relationship that we had. The stable kind. The kind well when you're with the other person, you just feel safe and belonged. The kinda where you know it in your feelings that it will go beyond then that average bf/gf relationship into something more (well, at least for me I guess. I was in a delusion that we had something more when I was with him). And a part of me, I'm afraid of getting hurt again. You know how some people will say that you can feel pain in your heart when it's 'breaking'. Well, I used to think that is not possible but I wrong. I felt like there where a knife piercing my heart over and over again until I couldn't breath that I thought I would just collapse into a stroke. And now I'm afraid of open up again.

There is this guy that I've been casually seeing so far. He has been with me when I was heart broken. He helped me picked up the pieces and and helped me to mend it. He just came in through the door that was left open and helped me though in the past few months. I am grateful (really, I am) but yet, I'm still afraid to open up to him. He is an average guy. He walks and talks like..... an average guy. He is a nice guy after all the things he has done for me, not just the ones I mentions. And yet, I can't open myself up to let him in. To learn to love another again. I'm really scare that I do that again. I'll get hurt again. And this time I may not make it through.

Also, do I want a guy who prefers to spend his afternoon sleeping at home then sparing just a couple of hours (max 4-5 hours, I promised and that includes traveling and lunch time) to accompany me to look for my annual dinner dress. It's not like I'm asking for a full day of mindless window shopping. I really liked to get his opinion on the dress that I might buy. Not only that, I even suggested to go somewhere near instead of the mall that I wanted to go since he is suppose to have a wedding dinner to attend to later in the evening. Moreover, I was hoping that it could be out 'first date' after so long. We have been going out in the weekends quite frequently but never just two of us. Always there will be others. I just would like to have a normal average date like a normal 'couple' have that have movies and all that. Sigh.... maybe we're just not meant to be?

How come whenever you need someone to be by your side on a down day, they never seem to be available? And why is it if you were to wake up feeling like crap, you'll have that crappy feeling the whole day long and nothing seem to go your way? The down side of having very little close friends is that when you need them, they are always busy with something and whichever way you turn, someone will always be too busy to even realize that you might be in the verge of self-destruction. Yup, this is one of my mood swings days. The mood where I feel like crap and nothing in the world seems to go right. To the point that I really feel like killing myself. And yes, that too. I'm the self-destructive kind of person. I get by the day thinking ways of ending myself the fastest and painless way. But then there is never a painless way. The fastest way seems to be the most painful way. For now I figure I like to die in my sleep. Sleeping pills would be my option.

But well, all that is just another mindless and crappy days thoughts for me. Most of the time I just sit around to read and play games. But hurting myself is not something new to me. I actually take pain as a form of anger management for me. When I'm angry, I hurt myself. Mostly, punching my bedroom walls for relieve. The more pain I feel the less angry I get. Weird I know. But at least I don't go punching people. I used to stopped doing that because of a promise I made to someone but since the same person broke his promise as well as my heart, I figure my promise no longer stand. I get hurt myself as much as I like.

Friends are never help actually. They seems to be there when you don't need them and never there when you do. I treasure my friends a lot and would do almost anything for them but sometimes I don't think they realize how much important they are to me. And that kinda make me feel taken for granted. But the friends are never forever. I realize that now. If a friend can get pissed at you for being late to pick her up or unintentionally left her out on a trip (which was a very last minute thing where I only decided 2 hours before departure and there were only one seat left. What am I suppose to do?), I just got to rethink how much of a friend does she take me for? I stood by her in everything from family problems to the minor things. So for such little things, she can get pissed at me. Well, maybe I wasn't as much of a friend with as I thought I was. Maybe I'm not a nice friend to have. Maybe I'm just meant to be left alone and be alone for the rest of my life. Maybe I am.

Ooookay, it's a set done deal. My next step in life has began to turn. I hope my decision will not make me regret later.... I hope not really.

Hmm... I never realise that my friends and I do mean you, the one reading this now, actually bother to visit this miserable blog of mine. I always thought no one will come and read. Oh well, that prove me wrong.

It's nearly time to go home and it is the weekend. Feeling excited. Also I'll be going to the Genting International Magic Festival. It's going to be so much fun. Hehehe...

Alrighty, need to clear some stuff before I can had home. Hopefully, I don't fall asleep while driving later. I'm so tired. Have a nice weekend if you're reading this on a Friday.

Well, let me see is this my second, thrid or fourth trip this year.... Hmmmm.... can't remember. Been going on trips since March/April that I've lost track of how many that I've gone to. Hehehe... Let me count... Sitiawan/Pangkor Island in March. Kuala Kangsar/Butterworth/Penang in March. Jazz Festival/Genting in June. MLTR Concert/Genting in July. Kuantan/Cherating in August. Singapore in August. Langkawi Island in September (Yeah!!! Finally get to to go). And lastly this trip to Ipoh/Bukit Merah. That would make my count to 7 trip to somewhere up-to-date. And next month will be going Genting again for the Genting International Magic Festival.

Anyway, this year I spent my Raya holidays in Perak. This would be the second time I've gone to Perak this year. First being my first ever this year in March (Sitiawan/Pulau Pangkor). This time my stops are Lata Kinjang, Ipoh, Bukit Merah, Taiping, Teluk Rubiah and Teluk Intan... Somehow I think I missed some stops in between.... Oh well....

So our journey.... Opppss... think I should intro my travel buddies. The driver aka the Organiser is Daniel (D). The photograph aka Paparazzi is Weng Ki (WK). And the passengers aka The Girls are Suet Nee (SN) and myself. These are the same peeps fo the Kuantan/Cherating trip.

(From left: Daniel, Me, Weng Ki and Suet Nee)

So our journey starts around 7 something in the morning after picking up SN. THe highway was alright. Not as jam as I expected it would be but I get to see something I never seen before. That would be a 'Contra Flow' where one lane from the opposite direction would be closed to be used by cars from my direction going up North. Hehehe... Talk about being sillly.   Anyway, there were a few accidents that happened that we saw on the way up and one was just behind us when we slammed our brakes to avoid hitting the car in front of us when he too jammed his brakes. The fourth car behind us actually slammed his brakes, screeched and there was a loud bang when he hit the third car. Luckily we manage to brake in time. So on with our journey to our first stop, Lata Kinjang Waterfall. Really nice waterfall. So nice. So cooling. Then on with our journey to Ipoh. We manage to reach there safe and sound. Checked in to the hotel (Casurina Ipoh. Very nice. Loved it. Love the bed. So comfy). Then off we went to hunt for food. The weather wasn't helping though  but we manage to find food. Chicken rice. Then we wanted to go look look see see around but it started to rain. And boy did it rain heavily. Which eventually forced us to seek shelter in Ipoh Parade. And there I found a sex shop that openly sells anything and everything (well nearly) related to, what else, sex of course. I'm impressed really since I don't see shops like this in KL ('I Need House' isn't X-rated). I was tempted to buy something my sis for her birtday but alas I didn't because I in't sure she is allowed to bring it back into Singapore. So then we head back to the hotel and I slept for nearly 3 hours (I think) because I was having a killer migrain. Anyhow, we had dinner at the Lou Wong Chicken Rice shop and after that we visited the Ipoh Train Station. And there we found a sick old perv that was actually playing with himself while following us. I felt really sick then. Thats all for Ipoh.

For Bukit Merah, nothing much to be said. Sounded impressive but not really. The waterpark is not that all impressive. Nothing beats the real beach. But I manage to spot some cute guys that help brighten the dark gloomy rainning day. Then we wanted to have dinner in Penang but we got lost and end up back in Butterworth. So had our dinner there where for the first time tried 'apong' soft version not the crunchy type. Oh and I nearly lost my hands-free in the hotel. I actually left it there. And D was soooooooooooooo nice to drive the one hour trip back to go pick it up from the hotel instead of letting them send it back to me. THANK YOU!!!!! HUGS.

Then third day we stayed in Teluk Rubiah where we took the picture above. Not bad but could do better. The pool not the impressive and the beach is really dirty that we didn't dare to go into.

Then our last stop was Teluk Intan where I get to see the Leaning Tower. Then all the way back to KL after that. Since it was Monday and the last day of holiday for most (I got Tuesday off as well) the trunk roads back to KL was quite jammed up. Mainly caused by the fast turning traffic lights too.

So all in all, it was a good trip. Though our Chrating trip was better especially it didn't rain as much as this trip. But it was still a good trip. Enjoyed it. Loved it. I want more... Hehehe.... Till then.... Toodles.

What you should do when....

Your girlfriend didn't drive to office today and was going for an interview after work around her office area. She asked if you could pick her up and you told her that you got plans after work but can pick her up after that. However your plans got cancelled and you couldn't manage to get through to your girlfriend mainly because she was in the interview and couldn't answer your calls/text. You know that she didn't drive and that her interview is just right across the road from her office.

So guys, what would you do in this situation? And gals, what do you think the guy should do?

This just a question to see if my expectation for a guy is too high for the average normal guys out there.

Thankz.

Today is my birthday. Initially I decided that I didn't want to celebrate it coz I find there is no point celebrating it and it also brings back memories that I rather keep it in a sealed chest. Whenever I'm in a relationship, I always fear that I can never celebrate my birthday with someone I like because in every one of my relationship, they never get pass my birthday. Either I break-up before or I hooked up after. So I can really say that I dread when a new year came. So for the past 3 years I dread as my bday approaching but yet I got through them 3 times except this year. I guess third time is the charm and fourth is just pushing my luck. Well, I decided last night that I will celebrate and today I had dinner with my family. The first dinner with family on the actual day after more then 3 years. Usually I will have some plans on the actual day that I celebrate with them either after or before the actual day. I had fun. That's all it matters.

Well here's a quick update on my life nowadays. Last week I went to Cherating, Kuantan. It was a great trip. Tho the first night was unplanned and we didn't have a place to stay but we manage to find a chalet on Pantai Cherating. Kinda cheap too. And comfortable minus the short period that the water supply just got cut off. My friend and I couldn't take our bath until late at night after dinner. Nearly manage to see a turtle laying eggs but we got there a bit too late and off it went back to the sea. Sigh… Next time… Then the next day we stayed at a proper hotel. Lonely but still proper with a big lagoon pool. Way cool… we actually spent like 2-3 hours playing in the pool. Me trying to learn how to swim but way too chicken to actually manage to do it. Sigh… Again next time… Oh pictures will be on Friendster if you have my account

That's for now. I'm tired and I need sleep. No rest for the wicked as my colleague would say. No rest for me at work. Doing tax computations can kill especially when you're still learning.